


Blame

by pencilguin



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-17
Updated: 2019-05-17
Packaged: 2020-03-07 01:23:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 749
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18862879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pencilguin/pseuds/pencilguin
Summary: An injury. An argument. An audio recording. A death. A jump.After the events of 1x04, Hugh and Paul have a talk.





	Blame

**Author's Note:**

> This is unbeta'd, so sorry for any mistakes that might still be in there. 
> 
> Content warning: mention of canon character death.

Hugh hears the door swish open and looks up from his PADD. There’s a bounce in Paul’s steps as he walks in that immediately freezes when his eyes fall on Hugh, who’s sitting in bed already in his pajamas. Hugh watches the corners of his mouth slide down and his brows take on the familiar roof shape over his eyes.

“Um, hey,” Paul says quietly. “Hi, honey.”

“Hi, Paul,” Hugh responds, realizing a second too late how cold his greeting must be sounding. He decides against commenting on it.

“Um—look,” Paul begins, awkwardly wandering over until he sits down at the very edge of the bed, hands raised and ready to join in on his talking like they so often do when he’s agitated or excited or when he knows that he messed up. “I—I’m sorry—about earlier. You know … what I said in sickbay …” He glances up nervously at Hugh through his pale lashes; big blue eyes begging for forgiveness. “I hope … You know I didn’t _mean_ that, right? I was angry, and upset, and Lorca got under my skin again and—” He sighs. One hand settles down on the bed next to him, while the other finds its place on his thigh. “Of course I value my memories— _our_ memories, of us, together. And my—my feelings for you.”

Hugh can’t help but soften up.

“It’s okay, boo,” he says. “I’m not mad at you.”

Paul’s eyebrows go up again, forming pale little arches.

“But you looked angry. You still do.”

Hugh takes a moment before he sighs, then responds.

“It’s not because of that.” He gives a little nod towards the bathroom. “C’mon, get ready for bed. You look tired.”

Paul nods and gets up.

When he’s returned and settled down next to Hugh, he looks at him again, the question back on his face.

“Sorry I ruined your good mood,” Hugh says at last. “Congratulations on your first successful jump, love.”

“Thanks.” Paul smiles at him.

“You used the tardigrade?”

“Yes. Apparently it’s able to navigate us through those jumps.”

“How did it take it?”

“I …” Paul hesitates. “I’m not sure. Lorca had him— _it_ —transported back to its containment cell immediately afterwards. I really want to get a closer look at him, though …”

Paul’s subconscious use of pronouns for the creature isn’t lost on Hugh, and it makes him smile. Of course he would bond with it pretty much immediately.

“You haven’t told me what’s wrong,” Paul says after a minute of silence. “Landry?” he asks quietly after another pause.

Hugh nods.

“Her death feels so pointless.” He can’t fight the bitterness out of his voice.

“What happened? _Why_ did it happen anyway?”

Now it’s Hugh’s turn to hesitate. “Specialist Burnham told me that … after Lorca replayed the audio recording from Corvan II, Landry lost her patience and tried to attack the tardigrade. She acted recklessly and the creature mauled her in self-defense.”

Next to him, Paul’s face turns sad again, pained.

“It’s all my fault, isn’t it?” Hugh hears him quietly say, his voice sounding strangely hollow. “If I hadn’t failed … If we had been able to jump sooner …” He swallows. “If I hadn’t picked a fight with Lorca …” He buries his face in his hands.

Hugh puts his arms around him.

“It’s not your fault, Paul. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

While he can feel Paul minutely relax in his arms, he struggles with himself. It’s dangerous to openly antagonize Lorca in front of Paul and he’s aware of that. It’s why he’s kept his open criticism of their captain’s methods to a minimum so far, despite deeply disapproving of his methods. He knows Paul’s got a temper and he doesn’t give a shit about authorities, and Hugh really doesn’t want him to get in trouble with Starfleet. But he can’t watch Paul beat himself up over something that was entirely beyond his control.

“Lorca did.” The bitter undertone in Hugh’s voice is back now. “He tried to bully you into obedience by playing that audio file, and Landry paid the price.”

It takes a while before Paul speaks again, his voice slightly muffled against the fabric of Hugh’s pajama shirt.

“I hate Starfleet.”

“Starfleet isn’t like this,” Hugh replies quietly. “Or at least it shouldn’t be.”

“Then how can he do that?”

Hugh pulls him a little closer and kisses the top of his head to comfort him.

“I don’t know, love.”

He really wishes he had an answer.


End file.
